Today I am beginning this journal in response to my first counseling session. I am thinking today about the work I need to do in my department at church to restore joy and excitement in praise. Right now I have several folks who are spiritually troubled, and it tends to cloud the atmosphere. I don't know if it is responsible for a diminished willingness to participate fully, but I hope to find out, by God's grace.
Having people that I know in various degrees of spiritual turmoil or brokenness leaves me feeling sad and melancholy. I want to help them, but I am afraid of all the tension, confrontation, and anger I may encounter. It almost always is a reflection of some other problem, which I will then have to turn my attention to.
It seems like this job is less and less about music, and more and more about spiritual battle. When I left college, I went straight into performance music-- booking myself, recording albums, writing songs, and doing solo performances. Beth and I were happy that way, and I had minimum relationships to maintain. I was also not employed by Randy at New City, but I was free to come and go, as time and performances would allow. Now I am locked in most weekends when others are relaxing, going out to eat, going to movies, or leaving town for quick trips. Not that I want to do all those things, but it is still a feeling of restriction.
This week I will get Sunday off, and Michelle will be in charge. I'm thinking of visiting City Church in Nashville if Beth is willing to take a trip.
- I am a person who is perceived as youthful, although I am in my late 50s. I play and sing music, and it tends to keep me in the culture, like a lot of young people do. I am a "high I" on the DISC Behavioral Test, which means I'm optimistic, enthusiastic, a team player, and I motivate others toward goals. I don't like exercise, but I have a high metabolism, so I don't tend to be overweight at this time in my life! I have recently been doing moderate exercise and physical therapy for a shoulder condition.
- ▼ September (4)