MORNING SUN

Am I Doing What I Am Called to Do?

2010-08-26T18:12:00.005-04:00

The question of what I should do with my life has been floating through my various vocational choices since I graduated from college, married Beth, and started making phone calls about getting gigs. My initial dilemma was after a job interview I had with a Presbyterian church in Philadelphia resulted in a real offer of a church music job as we were getting ready to marry in June 1972. One week before our marriage, the offer was tabled as the church considered someone else, and we decided to strike out on a performance career-- self-employed, self-motivated, and self-confident.
Today I am in my 8th year of directing a church music program, and the question of my calling is constantly before me. I am in a very supportive environment, and people are used to my doing well, so that's not it. Rather, there always seems to be another line of musical work that seems more romantic, more creative, or more satisfying.
Well, last week I realized that I was where I should be. Our church music department sponsored a music conference for cross- and multi-cultural music ministers. We started a year ago contacting other like ministries, and focussing on the other churches in our immediate orbit, the New City Fellowship churches. From direct promotion to the creation of a songbook, the initiation of a web site for NCFMusic to the planning of the event itself and the creation of materials and a line-up of seminar leaders. The pastor, Randy Nabors, was supportive but not directive. He attended the plenary sessions and gave a morning talk. The pastor of NCF-East Lake also gave a passionate homily on Friday night about the throne of God and all kinds of people approaching it together.
The conference was successful on several levels. Attendance is usually the first thing people think of in reference to success, and we had 60-70 attendees at a 2-day event. Some came from as far away as Phoenix, Miami, and Atlantic City. Others were local walk-ins responding to a self-created radio spot on a small AM black gospel radio station.
But attendance is not the only measure. The excitement of praise is a powerful reviver, and we had strong, sustained praise sessions without apology or unnecessary rationalization. ( I hate it when music conferences talk and talk about praise!) I was struck by the limits of our facilities at New City, and I made an effort to lay out the Fellowship Hall to invite fellowship and musical interaction. We set up a band of stage gear and mics, and the folks took over all the time. It was cool.
The racial mix was nearly perfect. The churches were mostly conventional denominational congregations, and this was not a charismatic event as such although I've been to charistmatic churches that didn't dance and shout like we did.
I could go on, but I also spent some time writing out a speech to give to the group. "Musicians not Magicians" was a challenge to us a church worship leaders to be realistic with our talents and resources in cross-cultural music because we can't just make a yellow silk scarf red, musically speaking.
I felt fulfilled, useful, creative, and I felt like I was doing something that is not mainstream yet, but promises to be a growing need in the US as people of color continue to grow and the the dynamic of racial divides becomes more and more defining. I felt like a person of faith who looked for a city that God is building, not the culture.
I am thankful to God for giving us a strong time together, structured but not limiting and definitely spiritually envigorating for all.
I still dream about doing other things; I may even do something different in the next decade. But this week I was doing what I have been called to do.
Oh, and we even made money.

All in the Family

2010-07-23T09:15:00.004-04:00

Last week Beth and I went north for a family reunion in the small western Pennsylvania town of Beaver Falls. This is near the home of my father, Samuel Smith Ward, age 98. Part of this event was to see him, take pictures, and sing together at the home of my brother Paul who is Daddy's primary caregiver.

I am still relaxing in the afterglow of this blessed time. As we converged on the student apartments at Geneva College where the reunion was held, household by household, we awkwardly greeted those to whom I am related. The unique blend of familiarity and strangeness is universal, I think, as siblings, in-laws, cousins, grandchildren, and other related persons chat and move into funky digs. But when we finally began to grow to a significant number and met for supper in the commons, there was a happy tone to this meeting as folks ate and caught up on our lives.

Samuel and Rosalie Ward were married in 1937. My mother went on to glory in 1997, and that is the last time we gathered. My oldest brother is 69 and he and his wife came from Edmonton, AB. Some of the family were unable to attend, but the ones who did were entertained in some new ways.

1. The siblings are old enough now to be thinking about their own physical and economic life span. Some of our conversations were about health issues.

2. The children of the siblings ran the event. My son Kirk and his cousin Sam led our worship service on Sunday, and my nephew Matt Vos gave the message.

3. Since all the siblings are musical, there was spontaneous singing and playing guitars, ukeleles, keyboard, and even bass. This time, though, more of the music came from other sources than my father's old camp songs. We ended up doing some standard jazz and folk songs. Joel Ward even attempted Stevie Wonder's "Golden Lady" accompanied by cousin Marcus. During the talent show, my son Kirk sang a parody called "I Still Haven't Found how to be a Ward" based on the familiar U2 hit. It was dedicated to all the patient In-laws!

4. Our grandchildren were dominant! They played games, bounced off the walls, got hurt, and all the stuff we love about kids.

Although it is not unusual for our gatherings, there was little or no structure to the reunion. A couple of things were planned like dinners, worship, and a talent show, but mostly we just flowed. On Saturday morning a walk to a local playground became a combination of kids playing and adults talking and laughing together in sociological serendipidy. (Right, Matt?)

Everybody's talking about the next one, and those of us who live down south are feeling the call to host it. Next time we will have more convenient tables to sit at, and a shift system for meals so we can interact with more people. I also think that some more active opportunities for hiking, biking, swimming, and a game room would be great.

We are back home, but I am living in a new sense of warm contentment. I am loved, I am part of a wonderful group of growing generations, and I am glad.

Battle for Artful Worship

2010-05-03T10:10:00.005-04:00

It's been several months since my last entry. The sabbatical I took is a fleeting memory as the Christmas season led into a new year and new challenges. I got a call this year for a church music directorship in a suburb of Chicago and it made Beth and me think about what we wanted in life as we turn 60. Ultimately we could not seriously embrace the thought of leaving Chattanooga, NCF, and deep emotional roots for a church outside our tradition and in the cold north.

This weekend was a real battle for grace and faith, as several artistic mistakes were made in the 830 service, and then a scheduled choir anthem was faced with dwindling participants. The anthem was quite ambitious-- a Richard Smallwood tune called "Anthem of Praise." Our adult choir continues to be a fickle exercise as folks have compelling circumstances in their lives, and we continue to specialize in a contemporary gospel repertoire that blacks are disappointed with and whites are challenged beyond their cultural comfort zone. Some choir members, it seems, are just too tired to get up and sing Sunday morning.

Throughout the years as a travelling musician who was guest in several churches for choir clinics, I now remember the worried brows of local music directors, and the easy reassurance I gave them. "It will be all right. Let's have fun!" I would prattle. "But I just wish Mike and Theresa could be here. They are such an important part of our choir," the director would sigh.

So this winter our pastor and I have started talking about the choir's options. He has encouraged me to think about scaling back to a seasonal choir that only sings 4 months a year-- Christmas season and Easter season.

But after the 830 yesterday when I was so discouraged and one of my old friends asked me how I was doing, I said not so good. As my friends tried to reassure me, I would not be comforted. "That's it," I declared. "No more contemporary gospel. It's too hard."

A few minutes later another friend spoke to me and I shared my continuing malaise. "But the music is great, Jim. I'll pray for you that you will be strong and the Lord will help you." "Well, would you pray for me right now," I said simply.

She put her arms around me and prayed like a warrior. It was a blessed moment.

As we started the next go-round, I made a couple of instrumental instructions to help with the bad performance, and looked up at the choir loft. 2 sopranos. And one alto I saw, retreating into the congregation. It's too hard. I looked out and saw 10 regular choir members in the 1100 congregation. Something is wrong here.

But the service began with electric energy and by the third song, the congregation was literally bouncing in sections. Shouts and clapping resounded off the walls. In these moments the congregation doesn't realize that I am fighting back at principalities and powers. I don't know about the other singers and players-- they probably don't feel the burden as acutely.

"I'm desparate for you," as the song says. I am at the end of my resources, and I am crying out for help as I sing, change settings, harmonize, listen for balance, stay in the groove, and watch the song leader. I am crying and the Lord is hearing. One unusual boost comes in the form of 8 other singers who come up at join us during the Smallwood anthem. They are guest from Montgomery who are starting a church and came up this weekend to see how it's done. Most were African American and they darkened the choir's sound and look. It was ironic how God raised up an army of fresh recruits while several of our regulars sat wearily in the congregation, uninspired and unmotivated. My wife even overheard a woman behind her singing the anthem with us. She turned to thank her and she said, "yeah, I should be up there." I'm not the only one in a battle.

After Trent Cory's "My Joy" we drop into a grand 6/8 for Kirk's hymn, "Jesus My Great High Priest." The pace and tone of this song are determined, steady, prayerful, theological, reassuring. My reaction was weepy and sobbing at times. Is this the way soldiers are on an offensive?

"Now I approach the throne/and I have confidence/ For Jesus my great high priest/ offered his blood and died." I am lifted by this word from my God, the object of my praise. What a swirling, colliding passion worship is. It takes such work, it has such profound disappointment, and it offers such comfort, all at once. And the reminder of this song is that Christ enduring death on a cross with much greater cost.

I have no conclusions from this experience. It is just an experience, and I am still tearful as I write about it. Part of me wants to change our worship, to make it more compatible with the skills of our congregation, to edit out the stress and the ridiculous demands of contemporary gospel music with all its virtuosity. Part of me wants to gently craft a new style for our slow moving congregation that is slightly more mid-tempo. Part of me wants to relieve myself on the relentless march to Sunday with smaller praise teams, and fewer choir anthems.

But I still have no conclusions yet. The battle continues for artfully, skillfully performed worship music. So for today's pictorial illustration, I chose a scene from Pilgrim's Progress.

All I need is Money

2009-11-05T08:15:00.007-05:00

This morning I am writing from a hotel in Brandon, Florida. By next week this time, I will be back at work at New City Fellowship, so we jumped in the car (that's an exaggeration; more like 'we eased into the car.') and drove here to meet with Paul Richardson.

Paul is an old friend from CCM days, who now lives and works here at his own business, Path of Palms film and audio production studio. http://www.pathofpalms.com/

Long story short, Paul has shown a desire to work with me on my vintage products and he is also acting like I should record some new material. My master tapes are all here, and he is going to show us some remixes from Mourning Into Dancing this week. He has also already digitized my Faith Takes a Vision album, and that is what you are getting when you buy it from http://www.jameswardmusic.com/ or as a download at http://www.amazon.com/ or itunes.

And speaking of my web site, Paul and his staff rebuilt the site and made it a Google Checkout store now. It has improved our sales noticeably. The video performance of "I Belong to You" found on my new site is one that was shot by Paul at a Church of God convention in Atlanta 2 years ago.

So Paul is slowly becoming my most active business partner. Which brings me to today's entry title. I have so many good ideas, so much good music, strong emotional and spiritual support from my employer, NCF, so much talent to draw from, and so little money.

I remember hearing about my fellow musician friends doing daring and risky financial moves in order to advance their careers. I have read and talked about grants that are available for art and music projects. I have even already gotten a grant myself for a worship conference I directed.

So with God's help, it's time to go after the coins.

I'm going to talk to Paul today about the church's music web site and the potential for sales there. I'm going to apply to the Institute for Christian Worship for funding for NCF's cross-cultural music resources. And I'm going to stop acting like I can't do anything without money.

We'll get the money.

Cross-cultural Heaven

2009-10-28T08:40:00.000-04:00

On Thursday of our northeast tour, we visited Bill and Barbara Edgar in Philadelphia. Bill has been encouraging me to write a book, even though he and I know that there are a lot of books out there on worship and music.

As I have been outlining the book I would write, I have thought about the title, "I'll take you there: Diversity in Music and Worship". The line from the 1972 Staples' Singers song kind of sums up my experience in a cross cultural church, where the worship service brings together many of the elements that make us so. In a sense, it is the calling on the musician to take the congregation there.

So few churches in this country are committed to cross-cultural worship, that I am thinking and outlining the arguments for such a congregation. There are the familiar ones about unity, reconciliation, and justice. But the one I hear said when a black church comes to visit our church with choir and pastor pulling up in a charter bus is simply, "this is the way heaven's going to be."

That statement is based on the passage in Revelation 7:9, "After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands."

If this is true, why are not more churches striving to be inclusive in their music and worship? Is it just too hard to blend here on earth with all our cultural differences? Or is there actually going to be layers of sound around the throne, with each culture praising God in its own way, but none actually singing the same thing?

C.S. Lewis, in his book The Great Divorce, paints a picture of heaven where everything is strong, and substantive, and plain people are beautiful. Don Piper, in his book 90 Minutes in Heaven tells of singing that blends together all styles and eras, but he didn't see different races and ethnic groups in his vision of glory.

I live in Tennessee; maybe cross-cultural worship is common in, say, San Francisco or Boston. Uh, I don't think so.

I know a place
Ain't nobody cryin'
Ain't nobody worried
Ain't no smilin' faces
Mmm, no no
Lyin' to the races
Help me, come on, come on
Somebody, help me now
I'll take you there

Tour Highlight #2

2009-10-26T09:02:00.005-04:00

I played a concert two Sundays ago at Abbott Memorial Presbyterian Church. Old friends Steve and Mary Smallman were there. The concert was sponsored by Pastor Paul Warren, and he did a fair amount of promotion to other area churches.

The church is located in an old neighborhood in Baltimore that has characteristic urban atmosphere-- old buildings, bumpy streets, graffitti, and almost empty churches. Paul and his wife Phyllis have been at Abbott for 12 years, and the congregation finally believes they are serious. They have fixed up the manse next door where the Warren's have been living ever since they came.

The concert was in a dignified classic sanctuary on a really nice Yamaha grand piano that the church purchased shortly before the concert. The turn out was modest, which I remember from years of travelling and doing Christian concerts in the niche market of a niche market. I know Paul was probably disappointed that more old friends didn't pack into the house, and he planned a benefit offering for brother Andy's AIDs ministry in Ethiopia. www.abbottchurch.org/ethiopia/letter-from-andy-warren/
But this evening reminded me, and not really negatively, of the rich experiences touring the US, Canada, and parts of Europe, playing night after night for crowds just like this.

We went to Steve and Mary Smallman's for the night, and they are an intriguing family. Steve is a good musician, songwriter, and teaching elder in the PCA. But right now, he is doing, yes, film making. http://www.15four.com/

Steve seems to be having the time of his life, and success is written all over his face. Mary and he have two gifted sons who are in college, and Mary and he are the closest of friends. Steve flies to interesting places with film crews, and is currently employing 10 scruffy young computer and camera geeks. It warms my heart to see committed Christians doing art on the cutting edge, and doing it for the kingdom, too.

Our first Marriage Seminar

2009-10-20T16:00:00.004-04:00

Last Saturday Beth and I attended our first marriage seminar. Beth suggested it as part of the sabbatical, and we found a Gary Chapman seminar online called "The Marriage You Always Wanted" and we registered for the Fredericksburg, VA weekend since we would be in that area on the 17th of October.

We're really glad we went! At right was a book we won, and do you know why we were the recipients of this drawing?! We were the longest married couple at the event. It was astonishing, since there were several couples there that were obviously as old as we. I guess it is an indicator as to how many remarried couples there are.

We are now on chapter 3 in this book and it has been very helpful (I won't say...stimulating.). One thing it recommended was that we share our sexual histories, and we talked about our childhood, our parents attitudes, our teenaged awakenings, and our college courtship. We laughed at our similar books in high school that amounted to romance novels.

We are thankful that, for all the awkwardness of the WWII generation on the subject of sex or even public display of affection, our parents obviously enjoyed one another outside the bedroom. One of the important ways to have a mutual enjoyment of sex is to have a strong relationship in other areas of life. How our parents behaved prepared us, for better or for worse, for our own view of sexuality.

Dr. Chapman is a pro. Every moment of the seminar was used wisely and thoughtfully with good video support and ample reference to his many books for further study. His most famous work is "The Five Love Languages." Neither of us knows what ours is, but it's probably going to come out in our conversation now.

Nor'easter!

2009-10-15T09:43:00.004-04:00

We are churning up the east coast on the second trip of my sabbatical. I planned and planned the stops to make, the places to stay, and the mode of transportation as well as the approximate cost. Fortunately, there were two performances that each paid $500 which will help with the expense.

What a blessed time! From the beauty of the Shenandoah autumn leaves, to the quaint history of Dover, Delaware, we have tasted of the grace in quiet times, stimulating times, and spiritually envigorating.

On Sunday we worshipped in the AM with Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, home to Bob Kauflin, music director, and C.J. Mehaney, founders of the Sovereign Grace Churches. Bob and Julie welcomed us to their home where we caught up on our lives as musicians. We have been acquaintances since the 80s when Bob and Julie travelled with GLAD.

The worship service had a very young band, and the songs were contemporary praise songs in the style of the dominant culture. The noticeable thing about Sovereign Grace songs is the content-- much more theological than, say, Paul Baloche. After the service, Bob met us and took us to the store where he loaded us up with books and CDs.

The next day, we met for lunch at the inner harbor in Baltimore with Bob. We talked about many things, but mostly the idea and the logistics of getting New City's music up online. Bob said that http://www.sovereigngracemusic.org/albums was first funded by the ministry, and now pays for itself. His albums cost $15,000 to $30,000 to produce. It was very encouraging, especially his interest and obvious respect.

Thoughts on Hair Pieces

2009-10-01T14:03:00.010-04:00

So I'm thinking about being bald as a man in my fifties. I had thick hair when I was young, and up until I was forty or so, I wore my hair full, even with a receding hairline. Now I wear it very short like Jason Statham, and I find it to be a natural part of my life cycle to be bald. I use Jason Statham as an example, because he does not have his head shaved like bald men do, who want to be hip looking.

Which brings up the subject of hair piece wigs for men. What does a man have to think to get a hair piece? Is he advised to do so by a secretary or publicist who says that his face will be stronger and more effectively framed by a clear hairline? Is he trying to look younger? Some men with hair pieces have gray or salt and pepper hair pieces (wigs). Does that make one look younger? Have these men gone to shrinks or counselors who have told them to get a wig to feel better about themselves and to be more confident?

Well, I feel confident because I don't have a wig. I believe that a bald man, with his hair cut trim, shows greater confidence in the normal genetic fact of hair loss, and confidence that being bald is a normal part of aging and growing more mature, and finally, that it is a God-given part of one's appearance. To wear a hair piece is to contradict the shape of one's face, one's age, and one's very physical appearance.

What is it like to wear a wig? Do you have to powder your head first? Does it fit very snugly so that it won't fly off? Does it make you sweat? Does it become a natural feeling like wearing glasses or a woman wearing a bra?

Do you take it off at night? Do you worry when you have to go out on a windy day? Are you concerned when you might be put in a position of revealing your baldness, like when you're going camping with friends? Is it maintenance free, or must one wash it daily and dry it with a soft special towel? Do you keep it on a styrofoam head on your dresser?

Is the feeling that someone is looking at your head and staring at your false hair a source of anxiety or do you wear a wig because you don't care what others think?

Now, I know, everyone would rather keep their hair. I was in the entertainment business, and I saw my hairline receding with dismay and disappointment, while friends of mine who were accountants kept tight, strong hair lines. Why did I have to lose it when having a youthful appearance was obviously important in the pop music business? I knew two members of Petra, a rock band, who got wigs, including the founder of the group.

Well, I guess I'm not a candidate for a hair piece. "Ah, but you're thinking about it, so you must be considering it," you say. Uh, nah.

Ten Cool Things I did ths week:

1. I got a haircut.
2. I actually mowed the back lawn. My shoulder is at the place now where I need more activity to build it up.
3. Beth and I went to see Dr. Shah, my rheumatologist, and I let him draw some fluid out of my thumb joint. Just the thought is kind of cool.
4. I bought a 29-key keyboard to go with my new slim laptop that NCF gave me right before the sabbatical. With music software on the computer, I can do MIDI work anywhere with the Axiom 25.
5. I fixed one of my gutters that was hanging low.
6. I drove to Saint Louis with Beth and we visited Kirk and Sarah and their kids.
7. In Saint Louis, we went to see the arch and pretended to have races in the grass with Sam, Kirk's boy.
8. We went to NCF-STL Sunday morning and I played keys for Kirk's praise band.
9. Sunday evening was a brief concert set at Covenant Presbyterian Church. The music director, Kathy Chappell and I had talked about having a choir as part of the set, and some 50 singers showed up! She conducted two of my choral pieces, "Who Can Separate Us," and, yes, "Death is Ended." "Separate" was not soulful, but rich and smooth. Kirk played, too, and we were compensated generously!
10. We had lunch with college classmate, Tim Belz. Tim is a constitutional lawyer and he took us to Citygarden, a new terraced area downtown Saint Louis with multiple sculptures.
11. I continued to read "The Gift" and to dwell on the esoteric life of being an artist.
12. I reformatted Windows XP on Beth's computer and reloaded her drivers and software. Now she's got Adobe Flash!

Reading, Writing, and Computership

2009-09-18T21:07:00.002-04:00

I seem to have skipped a week of my sabbatical; I should have made an entry last Monday, and it's Friday night. But it's been a good week and a half of getting some reading done, writing two songs, and working on Beth's laptop to get it up to speed.

I had the special experience last Sunday and Monday of preparing for a recording session by finishing a new song I had an idea for, but the session on Monday made me sit down and work on it with the intention of completing a recordable, presentable tune for my children's album.

This song is tentatively entitled "That's What I want to Be" and is a series of verses about professions that kids would identify with. First verse, "I want to be a firefighter," second verse, "I want to be a veterinarian" and third verse, "I want to be a ballet dancer," and so on. Each verse then includes some short phrases summarizing that job's experience.

As my grandchildren grow older, I see them responding to my music-- my playing, but also to my songs. I want the song to take the listener through a series of jobs with the goal of being what God wants me to be. Some of the jobs are performed in front of people and others are quiet, unassuming jobs like a high school crossing guard. Ultimately, the children will sing "I want to be a lot like Jesus."

Songwriting is easier now in some ways-- I have written enough to know how to craft one, but it's harder in that I am no longer writing for concerts or recordings. If I were in Nashville, or at least tied into the publishing business, I might be writing songs for other people. Finishing the sketch of this new novelty song was envigorating!

I hae also been working this week on revising my course for Westminster Theological Seminary's winter term 2010. The course is called "Music and Worship in the Changing Church" and the church is definitely changing!

When I started teaching this 5 day, 2 credit course, the two major renewal movements of recent years were Charismatic worship, springing out of the 1960s and 70s Jesus Movement, and then the Church Growth trend started by Willow Creek Community Church and Bill Hybels in the suburbs of Chicago in the early 80s.

Then the return to liturgical worship was defined by Robert Webber in 1984 in his book "The Canterbury Trail" in which Webber describes why a
more Anglican approach to worship had captured the yearning of so many for authenticity. The last time the course was taught it included a brief discussion of Orthodoxy and the music of the Eastern Orthodox liturgy.

But now, there are two major new branches of worship to be addressed in our concise course and they are looming large in the minds of seminarians far more than Willow Creek. One would be the Emerging Church, and the other would be the PCA's own phenomenon, Redeemer Presbyterian in New York. Both are fascinating, and both have strong artistic treatments in their forms of worship.

Then the continuing maturing of contemporary hymnody through the ministries of RUF hymns, and the examples of Keith Getty and Stuart Townend has encouraged so many in the Reformed tradition and beyond.

This course is getting bigger, and needs to be streamlined!

Finally, the church gave me a laptop to take with me on my way out the door in August, and now I can sit in my Lazyboy with a computer on my lap, and write in my blog like my daughter does! I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with Beth's 5-year-old lap top, since it won't load Adobe Flash Player, and no videos show on her machine. I'm about to embark on the dubious task of reloading Windows XP and starting over with her HP pavilion zd7000. Sigh.

Cool things I did this week:
1. I have been very successful with my physical therapy, and I have regained 90% range of motion.
2. Beth and I went to visit Dick and Debbie Blackman, and got to laugh, read and pray with them.
3. We bought one of Maria Cardillo's photos at the Clotheline Art Show.
4. I started "The Art of Worship" by Greg Scheer.
5. I had breakfast on Saturday with Gary Hicks and we talked about his new challenge of being let go by Christ United Methodist Church
6.

A Few More Years

2009-09-07T15:56:00.001-04:00

This past week brought a unique opportunity to record with another Christian musician. It reminded me remotely of the days of making albums in Nashville, and hiring various players to make cameo appearances.

This time it was Buddy Greene, pictured at left with Dana, my local friend and engineer, and myself.

Buddy has never been a friend, only an acquaintance, with whom I have had brief contact when he recorded my song, Rock of Ages, on an album of his a couple of years ago. When Dana and I were talking about the song In the Stable on my current children's project, I was wondering where I could find a harmonica player, and Dana suggested I call up Buddy. He was enthusiastic and even respectful, calling me one of his "heroes."

Last week, Buddy was driving through to Atlanta for a gig, and stopped off for a couple of hours to add his part. He does not read music, and had to learn each line by ear. He played a chromatic harmonica which enables one to play more like a jazz or soul musician. I was really pleased with the result! The song turned out like a light samba, and Toots Thieleman has recorded a couple of Brazilian albums with harmonica as the lead instrument.

Buddy gave me a copy of his current release, A Few More Years. It seems to be on his own lable, Rufus Records, but it is packed with great musicians and singers from the Nashville scene. The content of the album is much like my Blue Believer release from the mid 80s. He recently lost his father and another close friend, Jerry Reed. The songs are all about heaven, hard times, and God's grace for the struggle. Looks like I have a new friend!

Ten cool things I did this week.

1. I bought a new watch, finally.

2. I finished a song for the Distribution called "Mama Don't Cry." We'll rehearse it Wednesday night and I find out if they like it.

3. I did an SATB arrangement of "Child of Bethlehem" for the Cono Christian School choir. They have recorded several of my songs, and the director, Andrew Belz, asked me to arrange that one specifically.

4. I have all but finished D.A. Carson's book, Becoming Conversant with the Emerging Church. I wanted to read up on the latest renewal movement in the church in preparation for teaching at Westminster Theological Seminary in Philadelphia next January. This book could take up an entire blog entry.

5. I got a haircut, finally.

6. I put together a large order of CDs for our web customers. All 13 of my albums are available on our web site, and when folks order one of the vintage CDs, I burn, print, and assemble each one. Tedious, yes. But without current recordings and touring, this is a way I keep the artist fires burning and keep profiting personally from my art. We recently changed web masters, and the new site is getting lots of hits and orders are flowing, recession or not.

7. Beth and I went to Franklin, TN on Sunday to attend two churches there. It was cool to get in the car and drive through beautiful Nickajack.

8. We visited "The Gathering," an ostensible emerging church that meets in a movie theater. I say ostensible because the service included the following conventional worship elements

praise band with praise songs
opening prayer
announcements, ugh.
an OFFERING.
a 30-minute sermon with bulletin outline

The speaker was older than us, and the crowd at the 9 am was mostly senior-aged (meaning our age). Although he had a shaved head and groovy goatee, he used a standard thematic preaching technic, with proof texts and everything. He has apparently been a guest on national TV, and has a book. Woo-hoo, emerging schmerging. Nice things about the Gathering

very comfortable seating, with cup holders, and Starbucks
the band was very good, c'mon this is Nashville.
the message was relevant, well conceived
friendly

9. We went to Christ Community Church in Franklin for their 10:45 service. It was fascinating to attend two contemporary churches with trendy leadership in one morning, and to see slight variations.

CCC makes no apologies about being a local body with ecclesiastical and koinonea goals.
The Gathering was super-inclusive. You could go there and not have to do anything.
CCC's band was twice as good and the songs were tear-eliciting joyful passionate expressions of worship and grace
Scotty Smith used a thematic approach, too, but he spent the entire sermon on a major question of Apologetics, "Why do Christians claim to be the only way to God?" It was very well done.
CCC attendees were young families, mixed with boomers. Kids everywhere.

10. We went to Sunday dinner with Bob and Laticia DeMoss, who are members at CCC. Bob has been a friend since the 70s, and is now a writer. Times are tight for them-- for sale sign on the house, Bob is limping with a bad hip, having had one replaced already. They have 4 children and Laticia is a joyful trophy of love and grace. Bobby is a lucky man to have her and the fam God has given him.

11. We started reading the Bible and praying after supper. No schedule, no duties, why not?

12. This morning we trimmed back one of the overgrown bushes in front of our house. The weather was warm, the job was manageable, and it is good to be using my arm again for physical labor.

So my sabbatical is giving numerous opportunities to breathe deep the breath of God. That is one reason I wanted to blog it. Sometimes we intensely motivated people want to see that we are accomplishing something with the time we have been given. It is extremely helpful to look back over the week and see all that we have been able to do and to be.

Testing my Faith

2009-08-30T19:21:00.006-04:00

It has been a week of sober exercise. After my first week of physical therapy, we went to my orthopedic surgeon's office Monday for an exam. I came out disappointed, discouraged.

After a short examination, he declared that I was not progressing as he had hoped. Dr. Dorizas is direct and candid, and this exam was no exception.

The previous week had been hard going to physical therapy every day and feeling the sharp pains of stretching and wrenching. But overall we felt that progress was being made. The physical therapist was serious, but encouraging about the prospects. Even he was surprised by Dr. Dorizas' prognosis.

Now we are at the end of the second week, and the physical therapist gave me Sunday off, or rather he gave himself Sunday off. I'm doing my exercises, and hoping for the best. The shoulder is a complicated joint, and once it has been damaged or messed up, it seems to have a mind of its own as it struggles to function in its myriad moves.

Meanwhile, ten cool things I did this week.

1. Chatted with Jim Drexler and Andrew Kane Sunday evening during the Methodist church fire. Neighborly chats are always cool.

2. Spent Tuesday through Thursday entertaining Beth's brother, Dick, and his wife Suzy, and two teen-aged daughters.

3. Exercised every day to strengthen my shoulder.

4. Had a brief grave side service at the National cemetery for Dad. Katie and fam, Dick and fam, Mom and Beth.

5. Ate dinner with Knutson's and Moore's at Lupi's.

6. Made pancakes from scratch Sunday night.

7. Went to Mt. Canaan Baptist Church Sunday morning. Music was great. Piano, acoustic drums, and bass, along with choir and praise team. James Elder is the musician, and maintains a low profile at the keys. I would love to talk to him about how his choir is so healthy and happy.

8. Walked with Beth in the mornings.

9. Monday afternoon, finished the vocals on In the Stable. Buddy Greene comes through this Wednesday to add chromatic harmonica.

10. Watched a cute movie about an 80s rock star and his love child played by Charlotte Church.

Dick brought it. It's called "I'll be there."

11. Assembled a jigsaw puzzle of the world. It was relaxing cool. We bought another one of a Disney artwork, but haven't made much progress.

Rejoice in the Lord Always

2009-08-23T07:33:00.006-04:00

Ten cool things I did this week.
1. Monday was the day that Mary, Nikki and I met with a small group of Bryan College worship leaders and their coordinator, Jessi. It was cool to sing with them, talk with them about diversity, and then go to lunch at Herman's. They loved the women on my staff. I got great people I'm privileged to work with!
2. Then I finally called Aaron Messner, chaplain of Covenant College, and he agreed for our music department to plan and direct Friday chapels this year. Cool! This means that we will be paid to diversify Covenant's worship life. It also means a more structured return to a Gospel Club at Covenant. And it means a little extra money for Mary and Nikki.
3. Andrew Russell was still in town Monday, and we had coffee at Pasha. For three hours I asked him questions and shared with him the vision for musical development at NCF. He is very focussed on music as a career path, and his personality and vocal chops, combined with basic piano chording, just might push him in the right direction. He left town pumped and ready to come back in December to a half-time postition.
4. Truly one of the coolest things I did this week is to have a manipulation of my adhesive capsulitis under anesthesia. OK, this is not fun or painless. But the result of this surgical procedure is to put me on the path of healing and restoration. I have been optimistic and upbeat all week because of it! I'm also going to physical therapy every day, including today, the Lord's Day.
This week I started building a calendar at Google Apps. A google calendar means independence from a Daytimer, as more information is stored in the cloud. Cool.
5. Through the convenience of Comcast On Demand channel, I've been watching the first season episodes of "Mad Men." The media has suddenly jumped all over this series that is available on AMC. This is superficial cool.

6. The Distribution is a band that several of my NCF friends have formed. Carl Cadwell is the keyboardist, and he has sent me several .mp3s of potential songs for them. This week I worked on "Mama Don't Cry" and it's taking nice shape.

7. We went to Books-a Million on Saturday evening, and bought 2 jigsaw puzzles. Beth's brother, his wife, and 2 teen-aged daughters are coming to visit his mother next week, and we're gambling on puzzles for the girls. After we bought them, we immediately set about assembling the one that is a map of the world. We're still working on it Sunday morning!

8. I'm reading a book called "Becoming Conversant with the Emerging Church." D.A. Carson has written a critical review of the latest trendy effort at retooling the modern, or post-modern church. Danny Mitchell, our new associate pastor for youth, has taken some courses on Emerging, so he's going to show me some other books that may be more sympathetic.

9. We went to North Shore Fellowship's 11:00 service, which is in a larger building up the hill on Tremont St. Dave Hess, a former jazz piano student, plays there and is on part time staff. David and Ellie are also serving in the praise team.

10. We went to Mud Pie for coffee and to read the paper after PT on Sunday before going to church. What an unusual experience.

Nairobi revisited

2009-08-20T18:51:00.011-04:00

In 2007 I was part of a missions trip to Nairobi. When the opportunity arose, I jumped at the chance, having heard about Kenya and its charms from several friends who had gone. They said that the music there was unforgettable, dynamic, mesmerizing, worshipful, and never ending. Our church's historic commitment to cross-cultural mission has always been hand in hand with a special love of Africa.

Well, the trip was led by Brian McKeon and he finalized the team as a music missions team. There would be 6 singers, 3 musicians including myself, and Brian as team leader. We would be going as a music praise team, with the additional component of music education and daytime assistance with Saint Lazarus School in Kibera and the Overcomers by Grace ministry to handicapped Muslims. As I corresponded with Meta, the music director at NCF Nairobi, it sounded like a full schedule of schools, seminars, and churches. When I asked about tech support Meta said via email that they had good equipment and a semi-pro sound person in their church who would assist us.

The last time we had taken a music missions trip was 10 years prior when MTW missionary Hugh Wessel sponsored a tour of southern France and we took 13 NCF singers and musicians to Europe. It had been a dream tour. The travel, housing, sound, and repertoire was coordinated by us with support from the European team, including a French sound company that preceded us to each venue. We laughed and sang and saw the romantic beauty of southern France from Aix-en-Provence to Paris even. With this as a background, we anticipated a more strenuous experience in Kenya, a third world country, but we were optimistic that our music and our people would be loved and joyful.

The trip was longer, though, and Beth and I did not look forward to a 2 and a half week separation. We also were not agreed on the effectiveness or even value of short term missions trips.

Well, I digress. My point today is that Beth and I sat down and went through all the pictures, the itinerary, and the souvenirs I brought back. As we sat and went through each day, I put the photos in order-- ones taken by me, David, and Brian. As I looked at the memory of this unforgettable time, I told stories and described the people we had met, and the ways we had been used by God.

This was not the first time we have talked about the trip, but Beth said this afternoon that she had never gotten the whole picture of the Kenya trip. There was a palpable change in her appreciation of the last missions trip I have taken, with the good and bad.

Because I'm on sabbatical this week, we are able to peel back layers of our lives and fill in important missing pieces in the puzzle of our lives together. I'm thankful for the blessing of this 3 month leave!

2009-08-19T12:36:00.003-04:00

It is fantastic to be taking some time off work, and in the process dealing with some of my physical constraints! I haven't felt this hopeful, this relieved, this healthy in a long time.

The month of July has been fun at work-- Anthony and Mykayla were good, cheerful workers, the Hope singing was energetic and authentic, and the two fly dates I took were encouraging to the max.

But the weakness in my knees, wrists, and shoulders, and even my neck, made me feel like a prisoner in my own body.

My left shoulder has been diagnosed as having adhesive capsulitis or "frozen shoulder." It began in February 2008 with throbbing pain, soreness, stiffness, and night pain. The doctor told me what it was and that it usually took 2 years to get over. The scond phase was a diminishing of the pain, but continuing stiffness and limited range of motion. The third and final phase is a return to a normal condition. However, the range of motion may lessen if not treated.

This Tuesday I had a "manipulation under anesthesia" by a new doctor whom we are really loving named Jed Dorizas, an orthopedic surgeon. After a pain block was injected, I was put under and when I came to, my shoulder had been stretched far enough to break the tissue that was freezing it, like scar tissue.

Today I started my physical therapy and the therapist was very encouraging, and I was elated. After all kinds of dire warnings about pain and recovery, the session went very well, and it did not include what I would call bad pain.

After suffering discomfort and sharp limitations at work and at night, we are finally bringing this thing to a positive end.

Sabbatical Leave

2009-08-16T15:31:00.003-04:00

My church, my employer, has offered me a 3 month sabbatical. Since I have worked there 7 years, they figured I needed the time off. It is a great relief not to have to worry about schedules, people, and songs for 14 more weeks!

Unfortunately, I have been having some pain in my hands, legs, and shoulders that has precipitated some medical necessities this fall during the first several weeks of my leave. Although I would rather not have to do this during these precious days, it's better than having the weight of the job plus the recovery from frozen shoulder manipulation.

But enough of that. Here's ten cool things I haved done during this first full week.

1. I called an asphalt company to patch our driveway. No conclusions yet, but, hey, I had room in my mind.

2. I went to Greyfriars' coffee, sat down, and drank a coffee out of a real cup while reading a novel and listening to Bach's Violin Concerti.

3. I went to a movie on Thursday night with Beth. Julie and Julia.

4. I read the first chapter of D.A. Carson's Becoming Conversant with the Emerging Church. I even highlighted some.

5. I purchased Rock with You by Rod Tempterton at Musicnotes, and created a new 2 page chart that is perfect for weddings.

6. I got an MRI on my neck. This is cool, only because it is part of treating my maladies. Otherwise, it was claustrophobic.

7. I played a wedding and the reception for Hannah DeMoss and Merrell Johnson. This was a test, since Merrell's family is black, and a lot of the music was soul music.

8. I walked every morning with Beth.

9. I sat on the deck and had lunch with Beth.

10. I went to Belk and bought two pairs of cargo shorts.

I hope to blog more during these months, so get ready for more cool things!

Arranging Horns

2008-11-29T07:40:00.005-05:00

It is a week and a half from our annual Christmas Celebration, and our choir director has asked me to have horns on a couple of the songs. This is one of the pleasures of working in a church community with a lot of talent-- when the time comes, we can add brass players to the band.

The first tune I am arranging horns for is one of my own, "Bring Your Praise to the King." I originally wrote the song with a swing feel, and the choir parts were rolicking and exhilarating. Two years ago, we did a custom recording with the song included, and our producer dropped the song back to a half time slow hip hop feel. Many of the vocals are the same, but the form changes significantly. In addition, the producer laid down some synth horns in the arrangement that had never been played by real brass.

Synth horns are usually played by keyboard players and in this case, he played parts that are higher than most trumpets play! Typically synth horns are unison lines, too, with a couple of harmony parts that are keyboard oriented.

Real horn arranging is more subtle, more varied, and better articulated. It is fun to write in articulations like staccato, accents, and ties, and hear them played correctly.

Also, pop producers frequently play synth horns in a Vegas style, and I prefer a dry, Steely Dan-style horn section that is closer to Memphis with a little Lee Morgan mixed in.

So yesterday and today I have been sitting at my computer with Finale 2008, arranging horns to go with Christmas tunes. Hundreds of music directors do this kind of thing, but I thank God we can all be working in our own congregations with musicians who love Jesus, and making unique praise offerings that are custom crafted.

2008-11-22T07:32:00.002-05:00

The Servant Song

"Here is my servant whom I have chosen,

the one I love, in whom I delight;

I will put my Spirit on him,

and he will proclaim justice to the nations.

He will not quarrel or cry out;

no one will hear his voice in the streets.

A bruised reed he will not break,

and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out,

till he leads justice to victory.

In his name the nations will put their hope."
--Isaiah 42: 1-4

The above passage comes to us from the prophet who perhaps has more Messianic prophecies than any other Old Testament source.

Jesus quotes this passage in Matthew 12 as he is healing people and telling them not to tell who he was. See how he fulfilled the phrase, “he will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets.”

As Christians we would do well to study more about Jesus bringing justice and the ultimate victory that justice will enjoy in the final day. In the spirit of Advent’s first Sunday, Jesus’ coming is a source of hope for the nations.

Millions of people in our world look to the skies each day and murmur, “Lord, how long…” There have been days when I felt that way. Life just isn’t fair in humanistic terms. Some folks get bailed out while others are allowed to die in silent misery. It is unjust.

Justice is a subtle aspect of the local church’s calling. Jesus the Messiah is come to bring the message of justice – he will proclaim it—and to actually carry out justice by responding compassionately to the broken and bruised.

In our music ministry, we are seeking to act justly, from opportunities to the content of our repertoire. Just actions are not always easy to appreciate, since some of us feel the effects of realignment, and we feel like someone is being unfair. And sometimes justice is realized over time, not overnight. Some day, it will be immediate.

I have been blessed to be able to write several Christmas anthems and this year the youth ensemble sings the Servant Song of Isaiah as a reflection on Isaiah’s message of hope. Merry Christmas, everybody!

It's a Good Feeling

2008-10-14T07:01:00.004-04:00

Today is Tuesday, the first day of the work week for me, since I work all weekend in a church music ministry, and take Mondays off. Monday has become a day to recover from the physical stresses-- hurting feet, cracked hands from clapping, sore arms and legs, and the weekly headaches-- and to do the basic domestic tasks-- cut the grass, fix the stopper in the sink, and this week put in a new curb side mail box in compliance with the USPS.

It's a glorious time in Tennessee, with cooler daytime temperatures and pleasant conditions for working outdoors. One project I have been eyeing is a huge downed branch in the alley behind our house. It belongs to a neighbor, but it is gigantically ugly and has even partially blocked the walkway back there. I just need a chain saw for that. So the mail box was the outdoor chore.

But this morning I feel content and actually looking forward to going to work. It's a complex feeling based on randomly alligned factors.

1. The mailbox is installed and looking good

2. My headache is gone

3. I have finished my outline for the 1-day Institute I'm teaching next Wednesday in Miami before the Christian Community Development Association convention.

4. I'm not mad at anybody and, as far as I know, nobody's mad at me

5. Last night was my daughter's birthday celebration so she and her family came over and my grandchildren were in a great mood.

I am responsible for my feelings. Sure, there are factors that govern how I feel, but I cannot blame anybody else for the way I feel. Many times I have negative feelings because I have unresolved relationships, or my feelings are based on powerlessness to change my circumstances.

So many times, I feel bad because I have not done something to support feeling good. Often I feel bad because I have forgotten the promises of God that are mine in Christ, and I am afraid of the forces around me that militate against my happiness.

My feelings are not the ultimate truth of my life. God's word and his sovereign reign over all is the foundation of truth for what is true. My feelings are my reaction to a relative comprehension of how that truth aligns with my shallow perception, and various physical constraints mixed in. Thank God for a good feeling this morning, and the variables that have contributed to it.

Brothers and sisters

2008-10-02T07:46:00.003-04:00

Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, "Here are my mother and brothers! Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother." (Mark 3:31 - 35)

I have been thinking more and more about the relational part of my job, and how much I need the folks in my church community.

Back when I was travelling a lot, I would leave town on a plane and be met by a stranger or a distant acquaintance. For the next several days, I would eagerly interact with all kinds of people, old friends, young kids, and generally fans.

When I returned home, I had this feeling of escaping from the inordinate attention of adulation, and I re-embraced the close nuclear family that was my own. When I went to New City for church, I was helping out with the music program, and often people would come at me with a barrage of requests for more music, more ideas, more performance. I developed an attitude of defensiveness to others.

Now I am a music drector in that same church, and we are providing many of the services that folks used to clamor for. But we don't do it without people. Lately, some of our leading volunteers have been moving on in their lives to other priorities. I am realizing that new people must be recruited for the key positions of song leader, lead tenor, and text operator. We must get on the phones and recruit.

I have received phone calls from my alma mater or from the local fire and police association, asking me for support and for participation. I receive emails from community organizations looking for my involvement. I am now getting Facebook invitations to come to art openings and wine tastings. Is this what we need to do in the church-- have phone campaigns?

The church is, to some degree, in competition with the rest of society for the energy and talent of our volunteers. On a bad Sunday, I'll think, "what do people think, does worship grow on trees?" Every fall at this time, I can plan on some of my youth choir disappearing until the school play is over in early November, or until soccer season is through.

So the relational aspect of music ministry is as important as the music itself. People need to be valued, to be respected, to be loved. I'm about to go to work now, and may God help me not to resent people but to seek them out. I can spend all week on great music charts, but if the brothers and sisters and mothers aren't in place, I am a clanging cymbal. ( I Corinthians 13:2)

2008-09-30T08:00:00.002-04:00

I am happy this morning after a refreshing and different weekend off. My pastor gives me 8 Sundays off during the year, and this was one on which I did not do any gigs, but Beth and I took a day trip to Nashville, 125 miles up the road.

There was a large craft fair in Centennial Park, and we spent the afternoon there. Craft fairs are pleasant interactions with people like us-- entrepreneurs who have a talent in some artsy field like jewelry (there was lots of jewelry), fabric or clothing, glass work, or wood.

I look at the craftpeople and evaluate their outlook on life as I walk past. Some have an earthy, hippie look, others are biker types with black tight clothes and tattoos. Some appear to be like us-- conventional in appearance, but obviously committed to a lifestyle of art and independence. They have invested in tents, dispay materials, beautiful backdrops, and photos to make their products appealing. They have a passion for selling their work far more than I ever did when I was touring.

In the evening we checked into a nearby hotel-- it's always nice not to have to drive home late at night when you are tired-- and then went to City Church of East Nashville. This is a congregation in the Presbyterian Church in America that I have visited before, but it was a couple of years ago. Their band was top notch, and the group was mostly young adults. We were pleasantly surprised to see Brian Terpstra, whom I had recommended this church to, and we also saw a new friend named Chioma, whom we met last month at a music symposium at our church. She is in Nashville doing her physical therapy internship.

I had recommend this church to both these folks, and Brian especially has cast his lot with this church, joining a small group led by the house drummer, and he told me this congregation was a "confirmation" that God was leading him to Gallatin, TN and his new job in the Nashville area. For Chioma, it was her first Sunday there, but this church is a lot like her home church in St. Louis, New City Fellowship.

The message was on crime in the city and the Christian's response. After the message, the preacher opened the floor for Q and A. There followed maybe 30 minutes of interactive discussion in a congregation of maybe 125. People brought up all kinds of angles, including personal stories and dilemmas.

Another thing I appreciated, because of my walk with God right now, was a time of confession and assurance of pardon. This is a Presbyterian tradition that our church does not feel necessary, but as the one who plans our services, I was intrigued as a worshiper by the impact of this liturgical event.

Much the same as when one prays, the confession occurs early in the service, but after a praise song and call to worship. This church uses a printed prayer in the bulletin and a printed response, but a song could be used as the response, making the confession part of the music.

Thank God for times of refreshment in our journey. We come back to our same lives and concerns, but we see them differently on the other side of worship and and forgiveness.

2008-09-25T07:42:00.004-04:00

"Failure is understood, forgiven, and does not disqualify me." from Lessons, Prayers, and Scripture on the Faith Journey by Pete Hammond.

It is hard to recognize weakness in oneself, and to identify areas for improvement, and to still be buoyant and confident. I have realized that I must change my behavior in an area of my life, and it is making me pensive and wary. What happened to my breezy cheerful wry humor? Well, it seems to have been blunted by the disappointment of human failings, both mine and others.

So I'm running back to the Father today, and asking for his righteousness to cover my sorry rags. But even before that, I repent of the sin in my life that has brought me to this point. As Pete Hammond says in the above quote, failure is understood. I see it, I identify it, I don't just feel bad because things have shifted away from mindless habit. But, look! Failure is also forgiven. I can stop groveling and look up at the smiling face of Jesus, who says "my grace is sufficient." I am so thankful for forgiveness as I look around at the broken pieces of my life and my work, which I have clumsily dropped in my effort to keep 6 balls in the air.

And finally, it does not disqualify me. In the Kingdom of God, we are not on the bench just watching the action because we couldn't play ball right. We are still on the field, sweating, kicking, and passing the ball. I am still going to work today with tasks and duties and relationships to be received with gladness.

There is no metaphor that accurately describes this, except God's own Word-- he is our father, and the perfect parent with no blind spots or weaknesses. How can a child or brother or sister be disqualified? How can a son or daughter be put out of the family?

"Come ye, blessed of my Father. Inherit the Kingdom prepared for you."

Progress

2008-09-24T06:44:00.002-04:00

I am happy to write that yesterday went pretty well with my work. My associate, Michelle Higgins is very talented as a singer, choral director, rehearsal director, and has a good work ethic with daily tasks. I prepare a memo each week for her to follow, and she chases every chore to its furthest conclusion.
Sometimes, though, we get sidetracked in our planning meetings, and end up singing or hamming it up, which I expect to happen in a music department. After all we are wired to entertain and perform just about every 20 minutes! But it is in this context that there is sometimes some inappropriate conversation about people in our department and opinions we have or things that have been said. I think I need to tighten up this part of our ministry, and be extra vigilant to protect the personal reputation of every one who works with us.
Then we had staff meeting under Randy's direction. He is a masterful and humble interpreter of the scripture, and sometimes he walks in, sits down in his place at the table, and briefly scans a scripture passage. After an opening prayer, he thens proceeds to conduct a deductive Bible study in a discussion format with the staff.
After 5 years of teaching at Chattanooga Christian School, I learned how to prep for a discussion from the guidelines for teaching, and sometimes our pastors would benefit from this approach. They can put the staff in an intellectual head lock, like, 'no, that's not what I'm looking for' and it becomes juvenile sometimes.
But yesterday, Randy chose Psalm 127-- 'unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.' During his discussion, I could hear Randy using the poetic language of my song, "Consider the Lilies" and sure enough, he asked that we sing it at the end of the meeting.
Singing a song is not unusual at the end of staff devotions, but "Consider the Lilies" is rarely sung at out church anymore, and the staff does not know it. So it becomes a performance of the song by Randy and me!
During the study he asked the staff to talk about ways that we felt inadequate to do the work of building God's house. Numerous struggles were mentioned and written on the board. I was touched by the common feelings of the staff, and how articulately they expressed a need for God's presence and oversight to accomplish anything at all. Of course, in my own discouragement, I heard God speaking to me through my colleagues. I am very thankful for these weekly studies.
But what follows the studies is a discussion of staff events and planning. This is one of the low points of the week, because Randy proceeds to conduct a meeting with a blend of fact, issues, and his own vision for the church. He is an incurable visionary who seems to get up in the morning thinking about something new that you could be doing in your program. Of course with 10-15 staff members, you only get hit once every 2 weeks specifically, but every week in these sessions. A couple of years ago, I began to realize that I should not say much, if anything in these meetings. It always seemed like Randy would cut me off or rebuke me for some typical excess in my delivery (see the entertainment every 20 minutes above). Now, I only speak after raising my hand, and I usually bring a list of specific points. The random chattering during this part of the meeting is tedious, and he doesn't seem to cut the others off. I think our years together has created a relationship that is more sharply defined.
Although I pray every week for the attitude of submission to the ones in authority over me, I am frequently frustrated that I never take time to think about my own goals and vision for my work, so the vision of our music department is defined by the pastor. This is one of the greatest struggles of my job.
But in the evening, we had our Tuesday choir rehearsal and we had a good number turn out. There was laughter, 3 pieces rehearsed, and generally what is supposed to happen at a rehearsal. It always leaves me thinking, "all right, this is what I am here for!" I only had to apologize for my excessive antics only once, to a new choir member who is not used to my loud arm waving.
Music performance takes so much emotional and physical energy, that we usually feel that we have done significant work just to do our regular job. There is interaction with people, thinking about musical and mathematical detail, and vigorous singing, clapping, swaying, and talking. I wish my boss could come and experience just 1 month of our department's work before he thinks up another project for us.

Unhappiness

2008-09-23T07:33:00.000-04:00

Today I am beginning this journal in response to my first counseling session. I am thinking today about the work I need to do in my department at church to restore joy and excitement in praise. Right now I have several folks who are spiritually troubled, and it tends to cloud the atmosphere. I don't know if it is responsible for a diminished willingness to participate fully, but I hope to find out, by God's grace.
Having people that I know in various degrees of spiritual turmoil or brokenness leaves me feeling sad and melancholy. I want to help them, but I am afraid of all the tension, confrontation, and anger I may encounter. It almost always is a reflection of some other problem, which I will then have to turn my attention to.
It seems like this job is less and less about music, and more and more about spiritual battle. When I left college, I went straight into performance music-- booking myself, recording albums, writing songs, and doing solo performances. Beth and I were happy that way, and I had minimum relationships to maintain. I was also not employed by Randy at New City, but I was free to come and go, as time and performances would allow. Now I am locked in most weekends when others are relaxing, going out to eat, going to movies, or leaving town for quick trips. Not that I want to do all those things, but it is still a feeling of restriction.
This week I will get Sunday off, and Michelle will be in charge. I'm thinking of visiting City Church in Nashville if Beth is willing to take a trip.

Happy new year

2008-01-04T07:13:00.000-05:00

I had the opportunity, for the third year in a row, to play a New Year's Eve party at the St. John's Restaurant. http://stjohnsrestaurant.com/. This gourmet address is owned and operated by Daniel Lindley and Josh Carter, two high school classmates of my daughter.

They love jazz in their restaurant, and each New Year's Eve they have Jim Crumble and myself bring a 4-piece group in to create an atmosphere.

This time, Dexter Bell played bass, and we called Alan Wyatt of Lee University in Cleveland to play tenor saxophone.

Suffice it to say that playing live jazz is an avocation of mine, since completing a master's in jazz at the university of Tennessee in 1996. I say avocation because it continues to be an active interest but I am unable to practice and focus on jazz improvisation to the extent that a real jazz performer should.

This time, though, Alan made the evening different. He is probably this area's finest reed player, and is also a former classmate at UT. Twice during the evening he said, "this is a fun gig," and at the end he shook my hand and said, "we'll do this again."

I came home with the unusual sense of both accomplishment and of growth. Most of my musical performance experiences now are those of being a band leader or mentor. In this case Alan clearly had the strongest chops and yet he still enjoyed himself, if we are to believe him. The sense of accomplishment was that I am able to cut this gig and come home not feeling like I have embarrassed myself.

Getting my jazz degree was one of the smart decisions of my whole life. It unified our family around something cool, just when our children were teenagers. It answered some abiding questions about musical structures that I had had for years. And it gave me a new hobby for the rest of my life; Marian McPartland is 90 years old this year. That's she above.

A different Christmas

2007-12-28T06:24:00.001-05:00

This year our children went to be with their other families for Christmas Day. Beth talked with Katie and Kirk, and worked out the idea of opening gifts on Sunday morning when I was off work.

On top of that, the Knutsons were very...friendly, asking us over one evening for dinner, and calling about going to the movies. Kirk, Sarah, and Joanna showed up on Thursday and the family time began.(This is actually a picture from winter of 06)

Beth is always thinking about her mother. She wonders if her mother is all right, and she thinks about ways she might make her circumstances better. Mom lives at a nursing home, alone after her husband's passing in October.

She finally figured out that we could take Mom to church on Christmas and then bring her over to the house afterward. This is something we have discussed several times, but Mom is very weak, wheelchair bound, and subject to physical constraints having to do with the bathroom.

Then the Lesondaks invited us to have Christmas dinner with them; I guess the word got out about our children.

The day went well, surprisingly well. I set up the church and then joined Beth at the nursing home to get Mom into the car and her wheel chair into the other car.

On the way over to the nursing home I had an artsy moment. I was sitting in the car at the light on 23rd Street, and WUTC was playing Handel's Messiah. "Every Valley shall be exalted..." sang the tenor, and the prophecy of Jesus' coming to a broken world was repeated in my thoughts. As I waited at the light, an ambulance came through the intersection and turned down Dodds, wailing into the distance. A young man in a red hoody walked alone down the sidewalk. It was all sad, with the message of scripture speaking into my emotions and thoughts. I cried a little.

After we got to the church, I scrambled to find a hearing impaired unit that worked and we were cool.

We had tea and a biscuit at out house afterward before going to the Lesondaks. "Beth, you've really made this your own house, now," Mom opined. "I always went for the cozy feel." We decided that she meant that Beth had taken down the fluffy curtains she had in the living room.

The time at the Lesondaks was warm, happy, and inclusive. Kathy and John are wonderful parents and loving people, after a career in missions.

We dropped Mom off and dropped into the lazy boys at home. A truly merry Christmas.

Church with the Knutsons

2007-12-24T06:37:00.000-05:00

My daughter and her husband moved back to Chattanooga last year at Christmas. It was an exciting and chaotic holiday with the Knutsons-- Joel, Katie, Josiah, and Eden-- all added to our household!

When they lived in ATL, they tried various churches in the Vineyard network, and even one or two that were general charismatic congregations. You see, they have decided to leave the Reformed and Presbyterian tradition, and become charismatic.

So when they moved to Chattanooga, they found a small Vineyard on the North Shore that seemed to suit them. We visited this church with them last Christmas and found it to be a fairly calm fellowship made up of white families, mostly millenials, with a scattering of boomers and homeless people. This church actually serves Sunday dinner to homeless people, and invites them to come to the service afterward, which meets at 5:30 PM.

The leaders of this flock are Bucky and Becky Buckles. Katie said they are from a United Methodist background, and grew up going to the Resurrection Youth Conference in Gatlinburg, TN. The significance of this is that I was engaged as the guest worship leader with band and production for that event for over ten years in the 80s and 90s. So Katie's new church, including the worship leader at this Vineyard, is connected to our families' experiences and to my performance talents.

We worshiped there Sunday evening on my day off from our church, and it became apparent that this is a good choice for our daughter and her husband. The people are similar in economic and professional status, and the group is small and warm. Many seem to be on the rebound from traditional churches and the whole service has the tone of the emerging church movement. http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/february/11.35.html

The first time we visited was different. It seemed unfocused and ill planned. Now the ill planning is actually a specific avoidance of traditional plans. It is almost as if there is a concerted effort to avoid churchiness. There is little or no explanation of what is happening, and the music flows without comment. There was one glitch in the program when the children came up for a song and the praise team didn't even stop to acknowledge them. The kids left the stage ignominiously and came back when they were supposed to!

Narrations came via microphone from the back, and were accompanied by simple slide shows on the screen. The message of the evening was read by a woman from an article on the subject of peace on earth, and contained a decidedly anti-war tack. This is obviously not a preaching movement.

It took us back to the 1970s when we started our own church. Our church, however, began with a distinctly social action theme and the form that our worship took was not anti-establishment that I could tell, aside from our economic limitations and our modern music. The radical element in our store front work was its focus on mercy and justice, the amplified music and mixed racial agenda, and the pseudo-hippie look.

Bucky and Becky came out of the United Methodist Church, and the service showed their own cultural roots. It's definitely not Methodist culturally, but it fits with UMC theology.

One thing we appreciate about North Shore Vineyard is that they welcome homeless people into their service, and feed them on Sunday afternoon.

When Beth and I were married, we came together from two different denominational focuses-- Reformed Presbyterian and Reformed Baptist. In turn, we joined a church movement that departed from our upbringing in the form of urban ministry.

Now our daughter and her husband are joining their marriage with a unique fellowship that establishes new traditions and ecclesiastical paths for them and their children.

Faith takes a Vision

2007-12-19T06:14:00.000-05:00

Faith takes a vision

Makes a dream into a mission

When he calls you, don't refuse

'Cause it's faith and it's vision

he can use.

This morning, I read Psalm 138. Verse 2 reads, "I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word."

Here I read that God has exalted his name and his word above everything. As a result, the Psalmist will bow to God, and praise God for his love and faithfulness.

God keeps his word, and he has told me that he loves me and will be faithful to me, even when I am unfaithful.

No matter what happens in my life's events, and no matter what flaws there are in my performance, God will still love me and his word will keep him honoring his promises.

The world has so many dreams and passions that contend for my attention. I am fascinated by the drive for success and for stardom that entertainment personalities have. I know that part of this fascination is my own occupation in music and performance, that gave me a certain level of public reputation. And yet God's word and his name are above everything that interests or appeals to me, by his own act.

God's name is many faceted and filled with vast implications for power, creativity, and sovereign choice. His word started in the garden with a declaration of love for his creation, and also a warning of its limitations. His word continued to ring out with truth and justice, as well as covenantal faithfulness, throughout biblical history and beyond.

His word says that we must have faith in order to please him, and we must diligently seek his face and his will.

I have found my own grasp of his word to be foggy lately. We see through a glass darkly, yes, but I also lack the persistent seeking of his word in my daily life that results in weak faith and poor vision.

Even though I have a deep and abiding knowledge of God's written word, it is still possible to lose a clear vision of his word for today, for right now. One may even do the right things, but lack the faith behind these good acts. It is dangerous ground to have a whole life style of good works, and lack faith and spiritual sight.

Would I hear his call, if he did speak?

Leland

2007-12-18T06:58:00.000-05:00

This weekend I experienced the strong effect of affirmation.

We had a performance at the church of our Christmas program for the adult and youth choirs. As is my custom lately, we included a jazz piece in which Leland played trumpet and flugal horn.

Leland was a music major in college years ago, and also plays piano and organ. He has written several new tunes to classic hymn texts like "Nothing But the Blood" and "Deep Deep Love of Jesus." Our church loves his songs and we sing them often. I have the feeling that he has several others and is waiting for the opportunity to introduce them. That would be great.

Leland's daughters are also in the youth choir, so he is a significant participant in the music program.

Last spring, Leland came to the Covenant College Jazz Band rehearsals two afternoons a week. He entered into the tunes and worked to understand jazz harmony and melody. During that experience, he mentioned to me a couple of times that he was learning a lot.

He recruited another Covenant alumnus to play with us-- Jim Pettit, who is a trombonist. And together they began to plan a missions trip to Ireland under the auspices of Mission to the World. They began talking to me about the possibility of putting together a jazz-style band for a music missions trip, and I offered a few suggestions for tunes and personnel. Anthony Griggs(guitar) and Ryan De Waters(bass) agreed to go as well. Ultimately a very fine pianist and educator from Georgia named Larry Barker accompanied the trip. He probably made a huge difference, since I heard that he mentored the younger players patiently and ably.

So after the Christmas program this weekend, Leland passed me in the hall.

"We have a fantastic music program here at our church. The music we do is just incredible. You are a gifted musician, Jim. Thanks for all you do."

Leland had already shown his dedication by agreeing to play trumpet in the jazz ensemble for the program, even though he had to go straight to work afterward and work all night.

I don't know how I can ever show my appreciation to all the people who affirm me in my work. In this case, I just said, "I love you, Leland." It just came out, and I rarely say it to anyone except my family. To me love means a willingness to go to the wall for someone, like I Corinthians 13 says.

But sometimes love is the only explanation to a person who shows appreciation and it is obviously not flattery nor excessive. I love Leland and numerous others who have been there consistently during my work and my life. They keep on saying yes, and showing up without needing a lot of attention.

Today, as I go to work, Leland's affirmation is ringing in my heart. Thank God for his kind encouragement, bred of experience and insight, mixed with personal commitment and his own family's benefit.

Approval

2007-12-13T06:58:00.001-05:00

My early years of performing included some affirmation from music critics, people in the business, and even Larry Norman, a seminal Christian rocker who pioneered the field of Christian rock recording and performing.

Larry had done a show at Geneva College for which I opened, and he tried to sign me to a 5-year deal that night. And I had a brief relationship with Bob McKenzie, a gospel music power broker in Nashville, who helped me sign my songs away to his publishing company, and then presided over the 3-hour recording session of my second album, "James Ward: Himself." More about Bob later.

Other positive feedback came from Hans Rookmaaker, the Dutch art critic. Rookmaaker had been a part of the Schaeffer Conferences of the early 70s at Covenant College, and later wrote me a note. He refers to the McKenzie recording.

"Dear friends,

Just a note to say thank you for the fine record. I already 'had' it, i.e. on tape, after a copy of Graham Birthwistle. In fact, I don't have mine anymore, as my daughter (who studies musicology) has taken it with her. Anyhow, it is listened to, we think particularly fine the piano.

You got to make songs (as Schubert etc. did) on good texts--poems by classics like Cowper, Coleridge, Christian poets today, etc. That would be a new venture. Doesn't matter...if the critic writes that influences of Afro-American music are discernable.
I also bought book when at Philly. Sorry we did not meet at that conference.
Thank you again,
in the Lord

H Rookmaaker

This is profoundly meaningful to me. Dr. Rookmaaker wrote several books on the subject of art and Christianity, and one of them was entitled Art Needs no Justification. This book gave me courage to be a self-employed musician in 1973 when we were just getting started. The book described a society where artists and musicians would be doing their craft without pretense, and yet also making a living. It gave me a vision for my life as a musician, and it gave me a point of reference for the years of diverse experiences to come. Rookmaaker was a major source of affirmation for me, and he was an art critic!

During the years 1975-1978, I discovered that other musicians valued my opinion and respected what I had done. I joined a band which moved to the Pittsburgh area and we rehearsed for originals and cover tunes for concerts and dances. This was my first encounter with fellow musicians of my skill level as we worked on and performed pop music.

Although the drummer was stylistically at variance with the kind of songs I did, he challenged me to grow in my keyboard skills and gave me jazz books and albums to study. One time we were in Boston for a gig, and my bandmates urged me to take a lesson with a bop pianist there. It cost me $50 hard earned dollars, but it gave me a regimen for the next 15 years of performing and striving to improve. It included rootless voicings in 2 positions for all keys, based on the standard "Autumn Leaves."

One of the other musicians was quite enamoured of my talent, raw or otherwise. He had originally joined the band because I was going to lead it and he and his wife were classically educated music educators.

It was one thing to have members of a concert audience affirm me, but this was a musician with experience playing and teaching. He made expansive pronouncements about my ability to communicate and especially my lyric writing.

I was almost embarrassed by his compliments, partly because I perceived him as needing my chops for his own livelihood, and therefore feared that he was flattering me. I later realized that he and his wife were sincerely responding to the spiritual and aesthetic content of my early songs, and out of their insight they were desiring to be a part of this experiment.

I will always treasure the Rookmaaker letter, and I will always value the encouragement of these my musical colleagues when I was 26. I was getting more than my share of positive feedback from critics, industry people, and fellow musicians. I was getting a lot of approval, but I was doing what I thought I should be doing.

Blue Believer

2007-12-12T07:41:00.000-05:00

It's flattering to know that people around me look for affirmation from me. As my life continues to mature, and the task that I have been given becomes more rich and varied, certain folks I work with look to me for approval.

Let me back up and say that I am a man, age 57, with a music career that has had several stages.

From 1970-1972, I was a college student on a small Christian college campus that was culturally starved. I brought energy and excitement to the campus with musical groups and performances that were edgy and creative by the standards of the time, and I became convinced that music was my career path. After graduation and marriage to my college sweetheart, I embarked on a self-employed vocation of playing, writing, and singing my own songs for audiences that would have me. I made calls and met people who might be interested, and much like a roofer or a contractor, I developed a clientelle based on good work, reliability, and meeting the needs of the customer.

I gotta go now, but I want to finish this thought of how one should respond to the apparent need of those around you desiring your approval or encouragement.

Blue Believer is an album I did in 1988.